| I know, i know |
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| 12:30pm 10/03/2008 |
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I have written in this thing for months.
I know a couple of you know this person, so i need advice.
Renee is living with us again, and treats us like crap. She currently has not showerd in 5 days, she leaves her crap around, drinks all of the alchol in the house that i use for GUESTS to offer them, shes not even 21. She has no car and makes us drive her around everywhere, ya, she works 2 jobs but whatever,she doesnt pay for rent, doesnt help with the bills, yet has over 1k in her bank account.
Andrew wont listen to me when i say to kick her out and i understadn that because she is family, but when it gets to the point of her telling me that my life isnt worth living, im a horrible mother, and then she SLAPS my almost 1 year old for taking a piece of paper off of the desk. Excuse me but you do not slap my child. If she is doing something you dont want her to do, come get me or andrew and tell her no, we will handle it.
She has no where to go, so in a sense i cant jsut kick her out, but it really needs to be done because i cant handle this anymore. last time she showerd, she tool an hour and a half just in the shower, and doesnt pay the bills.
Im working, im going to school full time, and im a full time mother. Andrew works full time. How in the hell does that make us bad parents? at least we can support ourseleves and our child and she cant do shit.
What should i do??? |
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| wow an update! |
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| 05:54pm 21/02/2007 |
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So yeah, it has been awhile since i actually bothered to update this thing.
Things are going wonderfully. Andrew and I have set a date of August 18 for the wedding which will be amazing. We already have the wedding bands which are absolutley beautiful (he picked them out).
I have just about six weeks to go before this little baby decides to enter the world. My goodness is she kicking a lot...i didnt think little girls could kick that hard.
Andrew and I are moving this summer, probably in late may/early june. Im excited, he hasnt really ever LIVED in the city, so it should be an interesting expirience.
I bought the Departed and The Prestige recently. The Departed was good, yet confusing and we are watching the Prestige tonight because we are both interested in seeing it.
I cant believe i only have six weeks to go before having a little girl....insanity.
But i love it. |
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| yay |
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| 04:13pm 13/12/2006 |
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mood:  ecstatic music: bleeding through
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Yay for school being done...this makes manda happy because now she can enjoy a much needed holiday.
Oh, and i have big news.......like UBER BIG...
ANDREW PROPOSED LAST NIGHT **GASP**
I said of course...woah the baby is kicking.
And for all of you who wanted to know the name...her name is going to be Isabella Rose....pretty.
everything else is still going well, im still sore at times from the accident, but no big deal. I am going bowling tonight with andrew and a couple of other people, which should be fun.
blah, christmas is coming and i havent really started shopping yet...oh and my birthday is in 10 days...what shall i do? |
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| Bored |
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| 06:48pm 07/12/2006 |
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mood:  bored music: perfect circle
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So for those of you who didnt know, i am having a girl. Which is a good thing, i am very excited.
I am still madly in love with Andrew, tonight is the first night i wont be with himf or like a month, but i get to see him again in like 20 hours or something. Wow i cant believe i am complaining....hehe i love him.
School is going well, i changed my major to nursing,which will be awesome. I saw sam sing last night and it was BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!! heehee. Thanks for coming with me andrew.
AH SOMEONE HELP ME I AMS O BORED!!!!!!!! |
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| Alrighty then :-D |
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| 07:46pm 30/09/2006 |
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mood: content music: System of a down-mezmorized
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God life is really getting better.
I made some friends, which is awesome, I am actually going out and doing shit, which is awesome, and i am spending a lot of quality time with Andrew. YAY!
I got this call today from im assuming it is "the bitch" saying i was going to hell. Haha....whatever, If i go to hell, i go to hell, there is no need for the immaturity here people....seriously. The most ORIGINAL AND HURTFUL thing someone can tell another person is "go to hell". Wow sense the sarcasm?
I came home this weekend to have brunch with the grandparents, i suppose that went well. They know about the baby now everyhting is fine.
Overall, life is really getting better. I have awesome friends that will REMAIN friends with me forever, and those of you who havent, well that is your choice. I wish all the best to you. |
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| Not entirely sure |
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| 04:46pm 26/09/2006 |
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mood: lonely music: Disturbed-10,000 fists
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I spent the weekend feeling crappy and sick.
Found out on sunday i have an infection, so i am on meds.
Today, class was hard. I didnt realize psych was so complicated. Oh well.
I am very lonely. I am not meeting as many people as i thought i would here, maybe i should like...join some clubs or something. Ah well, dont really know what to say about that one.
I am really not sure what is on my mind right now. I want to go paint, or draw or write, but i have a huge creativity blockage right now. Any ideas how to fix it?
Any ideas on what i should do in general to make me feel less lonely? |
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| quiz time |
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| 02:32pm 20/09/2006 |
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As you can see i am very bored, but oh well |
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| Just me |
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| 04:56pm 19/09/2006 |
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mood:  creative music: Disturbed-the sickness
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I often sit and wonder how I can be in love with such a wonderful person who is currently sitting here and reading this as I type.
Anyways, school/class is going well, yeah for comp 3.....
Everything else is going great. I had special pictures taken yesterday and let me just say........this is too real and i love it.
I'm happy with life.
But I miss people.
I am working on an amazing pencil drawing of Andrew and I right now, it looks pretty good |
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| 02:05am 26/08/2006 |
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mood: complacent music: SYstem of a down- BYOB
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I am going to start out by saying that I am a strong person. A very strong person. Nothing bothers me anymore.
I have really matured this past year, and for all of you who think i Havent, you know what? go fuck yourselves. I havent been drunk, i havent been on pills, that is not me anymore. So those of you who talk bullshit about me, and who LIE BLATANTLY about me, I am wayyyyyyyy past done. I don't need you in my life. I am doing the right thing and nothing is going to stop me this time.
As far as this whole Ashley sit. goes, I just heard from my sister you have been saying some NASTY shit about me. This isnt the first time this has happend. I should have known that all the other times we have fought just to give up and be done. I dont want anything to do with you anymore, you hurt me, you hurt my best friend, and i am just not going to tolerate that. You rarely support me on any decisions, and when you do, you think i lie about everything. The only reason i have even stuck around you, is because i honestly thought you might have had a chance at maybe improving your attitude and given me a reason to be your friend. I am not going to sit here and say shit about you, because it is immature. Im not going to call you names, im not going to act like a two year old; but i am going to say this: You are not worth my time. I am over you, im over your attitude, im over your spoiled selfishness, im over your so called friendship to me. And, you will NEVER EVER gain it back. I live in Saginaw now, where i am going to school(as most of you know) so hopefully i wont have to deal with the lot of you who *used* to make me make poor choices. If there is one major thing i learned this past year, it was to stick up for myself and know who I am. I dont need to drink or smoke or do drugs to be happy, i don't need to date someone to be happy, although i am now. As for critiscizing my boyfriend, I love him DEARLY, and i know you don't like him Ashley, and honestly it is probably because he didnt hit on you the first 20 mins of knowing him.
I have grown up, and i know not to take shit anymore. This whole thing isnt getting to me and it wont. I think you are the one who needs to grow up, not rely on being the center of attention, and mature. At one point in time, i thought you were a great person, but manipulating certain friends and i friendships was the absolute last straw for everything. I realized how much i dont need you in my life, and how much i dont want you. I have amazing friends, both here and so many up north. I have the most amazing families, both the Lyttles( i love you guys) and my biological family. Thats another thing. Family means the absolute world to me, i truly found this out last year. I spent so many hours and days just being with family, it made me realize i used to take a lot for grantit.
If the last year had never happend, i wouldnt be the new and improved person i am now. I know a few of you don't and never will see that, but if you cant accept it, then please, leave now. Leave my life now because i dont need the influence. I dont want to be the old me anymore, i dont want to be the bad manda anymore. I want to stay the way I am. I know i only really have a few true supporters down here, but the few of you that are, let me tell you that i love you more than anything. As for my up-north life- you guys always and always will support me(Sam, Chris, Mom and dad L, Dave, Mike, Megs, Sarah, Tiff..)
Andrew you also get a special thanks because you love me for who i am. We may be the complete opposite and people never would have pictured us together, but here we are, still standing strong how many months later?????
You can call me immature ashley, go ahead. It doesnt phase me. Nothing you say doesnt phase me because i know that my true friends will stick by me no matter what. Personally, i think that I am being the mature one. Im speaking the absolute truth. After this entry is finished, i am done. I dont want to be contacted by you, and no, there are not any second chances this time. There is honestly nothing you can do to fix this.
You know? years down the road, i am going to look back at this entry, realize how much i have changed, and consider the fact that did i lose a good friend? But then im going to say: " No, i lost someone i needed to lose, someone who brought me down." and im going to look at the people who remain in my life and hug them and continue living.
That is what is going to happen after this, im going to continue living. Im not depressed about this whole thing, im not even mad anymore because i know i am ending it. Im not going to go drink or smoke, because something liek this doesnt affect me anymore. I know i have said this a thousand times in this email and i apologize for that.
Some day, when i become a famous author, teacher of the year, certain people are going to look back and wish that they had been invited to my ceremonies.
Well you guys can hope and wish, but i'm not putting you on the guest list.
Thanks to everyone who brightens my day, who brightens my life, who made me understand.
Screw all of you who think i did nothing and will do nothing. I'm better than that. |
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| Wow |
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| 05:50pm 19/08/2006 |
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mood:  crazy music: Slayer-Disciple
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Do any of you realize how long it has been since i have updated this damn thing?
Life has been great. I got an apartment in Saginaw where i am going to school in the fall. I will miss certain people, you know who you are, but hey, that is life.
I am still dating that wonderful man. I love him dearly.
I just got into it with ashley, i called her some names because i truly realize how much of a selfish bitch she is. Im sorry, but the whole world doesnt need to revolve around you sweetheart, and dont go around telling people that your pregnant, because honestly, your not, and just because other people are getting attention or more than you, doesnt mean you need to go around doing that. Also, when you hear something about me or anyone else, dont automatically assume it is true and go around telling everyone, seriously, how immature can you be? Are you what....like five now? Yeah. Thats what i thought.
I realized today how much i miss Dave and Mike and Matt and Megan and Sarah and Sara W and Tiff. I made such amazing friends this year and have only seen 4 of them all summer (yes dave and mike and matt and tiff..ozzfest was indeed awesome..well tiff wasnt there but i saw her like a week before). I really hope to see some of you this fall, you should all come and see me.
In other news, I move monday which should be exciting. Im not nervous, i think this past year really helped me figure out life, and I truly thank those of you(you, again know who you are) for helping become a much better and stronger person. i love you guys. P.S Sam: I hope RAing is fun 3 weeks before the official term starts *grin*
I love all of you soo much
Btw: Monday will be exactly a year since ive been....the old me. |
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| Emily |
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| 01:20am 23/04/2006 |
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mood: rollin it up
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so last night i got the awesome privialge of spending the night with Jackie Dan and Matt, and musnt we forget Emily?
Jackie is a truly amazing person, and i am so glad that i am with her. She makes me happy in ways in which not many people seem to be able to do. THanks sweetheart, i hop eyou read this entry.
Emily is still hanging, so ya, she is kind of distracting me a bit and making me want to play with fun glowy things. Ohhhhhh Emily *sigh*
btw i love you all, just so you know |
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| oh my |
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| 12:39am 19/04/2006 |
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mood: energetic music: BLACK LABEL!!!!!
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| The Best Myspace Survey | | * . . About You . . * | | Eye Color:: | Green but it can change | | Hair Color:: | currently a light brown | | Height:: | 5'7" | | Favorite Color:: | Orange | | Screen Name:: | mystrslyntoxk8ng | | Favorite Band:: | Black Label Society, or cradle of filth | | Favorite Movie:: | Probably the original dawn of the dead but im a big horror buff | | Favorite Show:: | CSI | | Your Car:: | 2003 ford taurus SES | | Your Hometown:: | Bitchingham...i mean birmingham | | Your Present Town:: | Skank Helen..St. Helen... | | Your Crushes First Name:: | <3 Jaxx | | Your Grade:: | 12 | | Your Style:: | Whatever the hell i want to wear | | * . . Have You Ever . . * | | Sat on your rooftop?: | Haha ya | | Kissed someone in the rain?: | .....oh man yes | | Danced in a public place?: | yes.. | | Smiled for no reason?: | i am right now, or wait, there is a reason.. | | Laughed so hard you cried?: | yesterday | | Peed your pants after age 8?: | nope | | Written a song?: | almost everyday | | Sang to someone for no reason?: | yup | | Performed on a stage?: | yup | | Talked to someone you don't know?: | yup and look what came out of it?? | | Gone out of your way to befriend someone?: | not really, im tolerate of pretty much anyone, cept for fake people | | Made out in a theatre?: | hmmm, i think so | | Gone roller skating since 8th grade?: | yes | | Been in love?: | yes, yes i have... | | * . . Who was the last person to . . * | | Say HI to you?: | Stopher | | Tell you, I love you?: | my surrogate mommy | | Kiss you?: | the dog | | Hug you?: | Stopher | | Tell you BYE?: | Stopher | | Write you a note?: | no idea, prolly megan in math | | Take your photo?: | Sara | | Call your cell phone?: | Jaxx | | Buy you something?: | My mommy | | Go with you to the movies?: | Ashley and Andy | | Sing to you?: | to me or with me? | | Write a poem about you?: | Jaxx | | Text message you?: | Andrew | | Touch you?: | no idea | | * . . What's the last . . * | | Time you laughed?: | earlier in class | | Time you cried?: | tonight | | Movie you watched?: | Hills have eyes | | Joke you told?: | .....AMISH DRIVE BY YES! | | Song you've sang?: | Raindance...today | | Time you've looked at the clock?: | thanks, now you made me look | | Drink you've had?: | 2 glasses of wine | | Number you've dialed?: | Jaxx | | Book you've read?: | Blue Dahlia | | Food you've eaten?: | Hamburger | | Flavor of gum chewed?: | Orbit Bubble mint...YES | | Shoes you've worn?: | flip flops | | Store you've been in?: | gas station | | Thing you've said?: | damnit | | * . . Can You . . * | | Write with both hands?: | yes | | Whistle?: | yes | | Blow a bubble?: | yes | | Roll your tounge in a circle?: | yes | | Cross your eyes?: | yes | | Touch your tounge to your nose?: | im so close | | Dance?: | yes | | Gleek?: | yes | | Stay up a whole night without sleep?: | yes | | Speak a different language?: | yes...spanish | | Impersonate someone?: | My name is Jose Jalepeno | | Prank call people?: | hehehehehe | | Make a card pyramid?: | nope i suck at it | | Cook anything?: | sometimes | | * . . Finish The Line . . * | | If i were a ...: | duck | | I wish ...: | i could be with jaxx everynight | | So many people don't know that ...: | i am gay | | I am ...: | excited for prom | | My heart is ...: | falling for someone | Take this survey | Find more surveys
You've been totally Bzoink*d |
Ok, so i get the wonderful pleasure of driving home this weekend to drop off my car cuz my g-ma needs it apparently. Yay.
Bright side is that i get to see Jackie, who i swear i am falling for more everyday. My cell phone is busted, so no one call
Necto is gonna rock friday, just so everyone knows....hey if i am gonna be in town, i might as well go see people one night... |
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| Well, they do say blondes have more fun...right? |
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| 12:47am 05/04/2006 |
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So help me god im blonde again.
Tomorrow shall be an interesting day, for it will consist of me going to blockbuster, renting movies, watching them, then hopefully chilling with Lee because i must see her. (got that?).
Overall i am having a good time. A lot is different, but a good time.
Hmmm. I need to call jaxx and chill with her. Hopefully this will turn out the way i want.. Hint hint |
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| Realization |
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| 10:24pm 02/04/2006 |
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mood: content music: love her- seether
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I havent updated this thing in AGES!
haha i guess because there is little drama for once and it seems like that is all i ever use this thing for, to rant.
Life is good, i am home for the week, so anyone who wants to chill this week can call me. School is going well for the most part, there is always a bit of drama there but thats ok. Its school, how would there not be drama?
Im tired.
But good
BTW the hills have eyes is a good movie only if you have a strong stomach |
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| fuck me up the ass |
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| 08:16pm 08/03/2006 |
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Do not take the subject literally please
I will be home this weekend with Jess.
Life is eh
i am...eh
school is eh
I hate everything right about now |
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| Valentines Day |
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| 08:22am 14/02/2006 |
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mood:  contemplative
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HAPPY HALLMARK HOLIDAY IN WHICH I HATE!
BLah.
IN news today, Manda has officially been dating the most WONDERFUL girl for a week now. She is absolutly perfect. I really like her. Her name is ashley, and it has been fun.
Life has been alright.
School is going well, Manda is on the HOnor roll which is sweet.
I might be coming home over the next couple of weeks (i have a car) so i can basically go home whenever i want cuz im sweet like that.
Yesterday wasnt a great day. Im starting to get really, i dont know with people. Certain people are annoying me lately because they cant seem to get their shit together.
Peace |
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| 08:33am 31/01/2006 |
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mood: creative music: Po' Folks- Nappy Roots- ODE TO MY IPOD!!!
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Well hello there. I know i havent had a real entry since November or december....perhaps even october. Anyways..
Life is going well up north. I love it. I have like a 3.4 GPA currently, which isnt a 4 point...but thats ok. I am really proud of myself.
I have continued making amazing friends. For the first time in my life, i can safely say i know everyones name and they know me. I mean...compared to how i was last year, i know so many more people.
Ohhhh pretty handgun... sorry im looking at pics of this handgun i am eventually getting.
You know, it is weird. I miss all ya'll, but i like it so much up here. Hmmmm.
I have now officially been home 3 times sinc ei have moved up here. I have a car here now, which is nice.
But, i suppose that is all ihave to say. |
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| Oh man |
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| 08:40am 30/01/2006 |
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What a weekend.....
What a weekend................. |
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| Lovers lane |
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| 05:41pm 30/12/2005 |
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Lee and I sooooo just went to Lovers Lane..amazing
My tat looks sweet btw
Love you all |
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| Happy Christmas! |
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| 07:52pm 25/12/2005 |
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mood: ecstatic music: Feel good hit of the summer- Queens of the Stoneage
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So, this whole being home thing is strange, it feels like i am visiting my parents, which is essentially what i'm doing but hey.
Christmas has been good, my long lost aunt/godmother showed up for christmas eve so that was a surprise. Moms side of the family is still,well, her side. Got a bunch of clothes, a sweater, a REAL gucci purse (i'd seen this in the store and i'd wanted it), a tattoo ( i'm finally getting it done tomorrow morning, so if you wanna coem with, lemme know), my cartilidge pierced,Victoria's Secret giftcard. All from her and my step dads side oh and random checks.
Spent majority of day/night with my dad who i got a 30gig Ipod video (its black and sweet), an easel, a watercolor set, a sketch set, the entire star wars collection on dvd,gift cards to best buy, Greenday and Queens of the Stonage cd,a care bears blanket, the sims 2 nightlife, ITRIP for the Ipod.
Overall, it was a wonderful christmas. I think it's funny that i didnt ask for anything, yet get sweet stuff.
My birthday was sweet too, got some fun stuff, but it was all mentioned above. Tomorrow i am going with my mom and my aunt to get my tattoo done. Not at all nervous actually, i think it will be sweet and it will turn out sweet, so ya.
Im just sitting here doing nothing now that i ate dinner (mmm turkey). So, if you wanna come over and watch dvds with me..hint hint...tonight, then call me. Cuz i really dont have a life...ya know?
I Love each and every one of you |
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| Realization Time |
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| 08:14am 06/12/2005 |
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mood:  awake music: Thousand Foot Crutch...
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Realization: manda can do anything she puts her mind to do and be happy with it
Everything is still going fine, got 100% on my math test YAY!
I love my english lit class with every part of me.
Narnia comesout on friday and Jacob and I are going. Then saturday i think he and i are working on some art stuff perhaps.
Love life=still going well. Im happy.
Overall i am a very happy person. My birthday is in 17 days yall...what shall i do? |
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| Long time.... |
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| 08:11am 30/11/2005 |
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mood: amused music: Talking
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Wow it has been a long time since i have updated this crazy thing, guess i have been busy for once...
Anyways, life up-north has been great. Not having to wait until the weekends to go deer hunting is deffinatly a highlight, although i did notget a deer. oh well.
Life:
In general everything is going well. last night the family and Jacobs family went to Midland to see sam sing at the festival of carols which was AMAZing. It made me happy with glee. Ran into someone i have not seen since freshman or sophomore year so that was a big surprise...Also got to see Shannon who is awesome too. I have been a lot happier lately.
school:
Going fine, love it. tgettting great grades YAY!
that is all for now because my hand hurts |
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| 08:37am 10/11/2005 |
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Ok, so i am not sure what is going on with me right now. Well i am but thats besides the point.
Why is the world so difficult at times?
Tonight chris and i are driving to alma to see sam. Yay.
I really dont understand whats going on righ tnow |
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| 08:28am 04/11/2005 |
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mood: depressed music: Sarah is sweet
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Im lost in thought right now.
I am still doing well in school but i feel like my life is just....falling apart.
I guess we are going to deer camp this weekend, but for some reason i really dont want to go. I dont know why. I just want to be.....i dont know............not so out of it.
I was downstate saturday night so i am glad i got to see all of you that i did and to those that i didnt see, well, im sorry. I might be back sometime soon, who knows.
I really do enjoy living up here. |
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| This my new friend Duck....please welcome him |
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| 08:24am 28/10/2005 |
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mood: awake music: Feel Good- Some cd of chris's
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He is a member of the family. Btw....i am making an appearance this weekend...but it is a surprise for one person so Shhhhhh! i will be in saturday-sunday. |
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yourlovechild's journal